SO. arewethereyet?

2008-10-20T17:17:00.010+08:00

she said "i've got to be honest

you're wasting your time if you're fishing around here"

and he said "you must be mistaken

i'm not fooling, this feeling is real"

she said "you've gotta be crazy

what do you take me for?

some kind of easy mark?"

you've got wits

you've got looks

you've got passion

but i swear that you've got me all wrong

all wrong

but you've got me

"i'll be true, i'll be useful, i'll be cavalier

i'll be yours my dear

and i'll belong to you

if you just let me through"

"this is easy as lovers go

so don't complicate it by hesitating

this is wonderful as loving goes

this is tailor made

what's the sense in waiting?"

he said "i've got to be honest

i've been waiting for you all of my life"

"for so long i thought i was asylum bound

but just seeing you makes me think twice

and being with you here makes me sane

i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side"

2008-09-28T23:48:00.001+08:00

bath

my cam died on me midway so i don't really have any photos of the actual roman bath.

(i'm trying to revive my blog here can you tell)

btw zara, just as i was standing in this ballroom wishing that our james mcavoy would 'magically appear', i learnt that jane austen used to live down the street and some of the people her characters were based on did actually dance here.

and apparently it's jane austen week so there were these groups of people in the tea room (i had my first english tea of scones and eclairs!) dressed up in period costumes. sigh.

2008-09-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

london's being surprisingly warm (i can walk around in a tshirt) and sunny. so decided to go rowing over at richmond today with my uncle - whilst my parents lazed on the riverbank and had ice cream. hah i managed to "accidentally" splash a few people.

sigh trips with parents can be rather... taxing. not to sound like an ungrateful child but i seriously have a bad feeling about moving into hall with my parents tagging along. hey even huay shan agrees it's awkward. but between my dad criticising my university (what's new) and calling me stupid, i managed to convince them to go to bath tomorrow and paris next week! and that also solves my indecision to go for the melee and lights & sounds gig. freak just think about the ohsogood food. oh man i can feel my jeans tightening.

as school draws nearer, starting again in an entirely new country halfway around the globe seems more daunting than ever. but i guess a part of me is looking forward to the challenge and the freedom.

and i don't know whether it's the uk talking but i'm starting to like oasis again hahah.

2008-09-26T23:32:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU to the people who took the trouble to send me off. and to those who wanted to come but couldn't. now when i think "home", the first image that pops to mind is that of you guys standing at the gate :)

as the plane took off, i was staring out the window for the longest time. bruised playing on loop in my head. no matter how small or stifling singapore seems sometimes, truth is no place will ever feel as comfortable or quite like home.

i've been reading the notes and blog posts and i can't express how much they mean to me. whenever i start to write something in return, all i can think of is flying back home and giving you a hug that will never seem long enough.

i'm sure the next 3 months will pass so quickly but i can't wait till i see you all again.

damn i miss home.

2008-09-24T18:29:00.003+08:00

i've got my things

i'm good to go

you met me at the terminal

just one more plane ride and it's done

we stood like statues at the gate

vacation's come and gone too late

there's so much sun where i'm from

i had to give it away, had to give you away

and we spent four days on an island at your family's old hotel

sometimes perfection can be

it can be perfect hell, perfect

hours pass and she still counts the minutes

that i'm not there

i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this

like every inch of me is bruised

and don't fly fast

oh pilot can you help me

can you make this last

this plane is all i got

so keep it steady now

cause every inch of sea is bruised

2008-09-23T23:53:00.000+08:00

everyone's been asking me how i feel. excited? sad? i still can't believe it's less than 24 hours away. it still feels like any normal day. nothing different.

but when i started packing, it finally hit me that this time i'm not just taking things i'll use in the next 2 or 3 weeks. this time, i'm packing up my life.

i've quite enjoyed totally bumming around the past few months (though the past few days have been stressful - automated voice messages should be banned) but i guess as much as i don't want to start flexing my brain muscles and conforming to a schedule again, i think it's time i start the next chapter of my life.

i hope i change for the better.

damn i'm going to miss home.

paper bags and plastic hearts

our belongings in shopping carts

it's goodbye

but we've got one more night

2008-08-10T23:27:00.007+08:00

surprisingly, i've found myself to be rather - okay the word busy is overreaching - not that free the past week. i love this pace of life right now. shan't go into details except that i better catch the next drumstick that hits me (or else) and that i'm itching to bring huayshan's smelly rabbit to the groomers. didn't know she had a rabbit? well neither did we. and huayshan, your huge flat screen tv is divine. marathon. soon. please. i'll bring the sheltox.

it was also the first time i've actually gone to catch the ndp fireworks (obviously excluding the times when i'm at the parade itself) . i was caught off guard by the sheer number of people there. tour groups and everything. singapore is severely overpopulated. i wonder how the youth olympics will turn out.

you know i woke up this morning feeling strangely at peace with the world, albeit partly due to the rain. everything just seems suddenly trivial and starkingly (not a real word but you know what i mean) clear. there are still so many things but sometimes i feel like burying myself in the ground for harbouring such spoilt, selfish whims. the world is so much bigger than just me.

and today, for the first time in a really long time, i genuinely felt glad about the field that i'm going into. certain doubts still come to mind, like maybe growing up in a different environment would give me the guts to pursue something else, but i honestly do think this is the best use of my time.

i don't think you realised the amount of impact those few words had on me. as much as i get called ang moh pai, i think i'm very asian at heart. family means a lot to me, probably more than you realise. so please don't worry. i won't forget.

i think this is the first time that i've felt ready to leave.

"when will you be home?" she asks
as we watch the planes take off.

2008-08-03T11:35:00.002+08:00

now i don't have to climb the highest mountain
and i don't have to sail the seven seas
now i don't have to push myself through desert sands
cause she's gonna find me here

and i don't have to put on all my best clothes
and i don't have to put on a show
now i don't have to act like a total stranger
cause she's gonna find me here

when she finally arrives
it will be right on time
and i'll know that it's real
cause the light in her eyes
will look through and show what a fool i had been
to search far and wide with my heart in my hands

now i don't have to worry about her
cause i know that she's fine, now, on her own
yes i can put my mind on things in my own life
and she's gonna find me here
you know that she's gonna find me here

and when she arrives
it will be right on time
and i'll know that it's real
cause the light in her eyes
will look through and show what a fool i had been
to search far and wide with my heart in my hands

now i don't have to cut up my heart
into pieces so small
and give them to those who don't care
now i don't have to search for one girl
in the depths of my soul
cause she's gonna find me
cause she's gonna find me
you know she's gonna find me here
i don't have to search far and wide
cause she's gonna find me here

2008-07-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

weird. tacky. gay.
BUT ME LIKE.

2008-07-22T23:41:00.005+08:00

GAMBIT'S GOING TO BE IN THE NEXT X MEN MOVIE!

*self-five*

omg i'm so excited i wanna pee.

2008-07-22T22:43:00.009+08:00

the dark knight is legend - wait for it - DARY.

the way heath ledger runs out of the hospital is hilarious.

screw batman, we love the joker.

why so serious?

2008-07-16T04:41:00.005+08:00

i need to hunt for new songs.

to my loserclubmate, thanks for the preview of my supposed pre-departure speech. dean’s list man. *does the hand maneuver* i don't think i'll ever have such deep, self-esteem building, intellectually stimulating coffee sessions with anyone else. i'll attempt to ditch (or at least disguise) my loser image in uni, make cool fashion designer friends and sneak you into london fashion week! everyone will want to hang with us. *pimps collar* then they'll be the ones wearing "stay with me (PLEASE)"

and dang i bought another pair of heels. sales are evil.

i’ve been in the habit of typing out posts and saving them as drafts. probably because i’ve taken to blogging in the wee hours of the morning and feel embarrassed posting things written whilst in a half concussed mental state. but the emptiness of my blog is irking me and so i shall lump it and press publish post.

let's do this.

man you have to watch chuck to get that.

2008-07-13T18:42:00.018+08:00

the week.

tried out my new job at 'happy beaver early reader'. how amusing. i can't believe marking a primary 2 english comprehension actually made my head hurt. how sad is that. just another testament to how quickly the brain degenerates. the kids were rather noisy ("but why must i spell fourteen out? my teacher say after ten then no need" "shhh aiya just spell it out lah") but you gotta love the part where she hands out the money after.

chimichangas and margaritas.

S and A

heh heh i managed to convince them go for camp. both of you, say it with me - i will only pack the night before camp, not two days before. and be forewarned, i'm planning on bunking in your dorm room the minute you guys move in.

saturday morning was an achievement, if i may say so myself. managed to drag my ass to ecp at 8.30am. hj originally wanted to meet at 7.30. no way dude. i didn't even wake up that early for school. nevermind, it was worth it for my chin mee chin kaya toast and custard puffs.

met up with the class in the evening. it had to be one of the most successful gatherings ever. i realised how much i've missed just sitting with the class in the canteen, eating hiphop ice cream and listening to everyone talk.

huayshan stayed over afterwards! just sat back and watched her get high raiding my fridge and rolling around in my bed. did you know she grins secretly and whispers to her new buys? weirdo. but anyway it's comforting to find someone who's going through the same uni rubbish as me. i've discovered we share rather different views regarding medicine. but i guess that’s precisely why it's so interesting to talk to her about it.

don't cry, buy a bag and get over it

2008-07-11T22:47:00.010+08:00

this post began as a one liner.

but since this was my first real trip with friends, funded out of my very own pocket, i think it warrants a more detailed account.

i was the complete noob, this being my first trip to bangkok (yes i can't believe it either). i absolutely love our hostel - it's shockingly value for money - except that the location was erm. less than ideal. i recall suppressing the urge to duck behind a lamp post when the guy at the siam paragon taxi stand shouted patpong through his loud hailer.

i swear we did the most unbangkokish things there. we cycled, visited temples, museums, the underwaterworld and went to sleep when the night was young. shopping was alright but deb and i didn’t go crazy like the 4 psycho shoppers haha. we cannot make it lah, forever condemned to departmental stores. spent most of our time walking round finding places to eat and nua instead.

my very first tuktuk ride was the most exhilarating ever – a rain soaked, hairpin turn, screamyourheadoff affair. and did i mention an elephant stopped in front of me while i was using the hostel's computer?

special thanks to deb, shu hua and yonathan. spending sunday at siam paragon and underwaterworld was quite therapeutic after the slight downturn in my trip. even if you guys didn’t realise it.

i'm suffering from post holiday blues. can't wait to do it again. i’ve never camwhored so much in my life. brit’s long arms sure do come in useful. i'm going blind sorting through photos but i will, I WILL, upload them to facebook.

well, someday.

you want watch ping pong show?

2008-07-02T22:17:00.004+08:00

when i wake up
i'm willing to take my chances on
the hope i forget that you hate him
more than you'd notice i wrote this for you

you need him
i could be him
i could be an accident
but i'm still trying
and that's more than i can say for him

where is your boy tonight
i hope he is a gentleman
maybe he won't find out what i know
you were the last good thing about this part of town

2008-06-29T11:35:00.005+08:00

i think we should all go practise our mandarin now.

there's an article in lifestyle today about how this american billionaire has moved to singapore just so his daughters can learn mandarin. they became parent volunteers and are planning to buy a house within a 1km radius just so their daughter can attend nanyang primary school. they've even hired a nanny from china.

apparently their daughter can speak mandarin fluently, without that jarring ang-moh type accent. come on, i think i still have that accent.

i'm going to turn on chinese tv now.
i do not want my yellow ass kicked by a 6 year old.

2008-06-29T03:29:00.005+08:00

i haven't done this in a while.

some photos from the week.

i don't know which cracks me up more.
audrey attempting to mend her long gone slippers with multi-coloured plasters and string, huang eating paper thinking that it was, i quote, "chocolate crust" or staring suspiciously into a camera (supposedly for french tv) for a good 5 minutes, wondering if we were being punk'd.

oh yes. a leash.

our midnight escapade.

due to my midnight cake craving, i actually got myself to cheesecake cafe, walked through the park to a certain lina zafirah's house (which is easily a good 2km) and ended up eating at well you can probably guess where before walking back. that's right, i walked through siglap linear park alone, at night, twice. hear that d?

oh what i would do for cake.

2008-06-29T03:08:00.006+08:00

i think i'm at a point right now where all i want to do is sit back and go with the flow. skimming through life. not analyze what's been said and done and not ponder over the future.

but i know i've got to start facing reality soon.

yes, that post describes exactly how i feel. and no, i don't think we're asking too much. i really hope we aren't just silly girls.

Or lack thereof.

2008-06-26T22:13:00.000+08:00

haha sorry about the sudden influx of dance videos.

2008-06-26T21:37:00.003+08:00

i love tabitha! she and her husband were the ones who choreographed the no air dance by the way. oh go check out her dance for apologize too.
damn i'm jealous.

2008-06-24T12:06:00.004+08:00

losing you is like living in a world with no air

2008-06-22T13:49:00.003+08:00

what if you died tomorrow?

i'm not sure what i would do if i knew today would be my last day on earth. would i attempt all the things i've always wanted to do? or just spend my last moments with family and friends in places i hold dear?

i can't deny that life's been good so far. but sometimes it feels rather mediocre? i don't know if that's the appropriate word. i'm just waiting for something bigger. to feel like i'm truly living this life.

(:

2008-06-21T02:53:00.006+08:00

this is what i look like today

and i'm trying not to pull out my hair

i'm trying hard to grow it but i'm far too shy to show it back there

that is probably why i like wearing hats

there's no denying i'm deferring the facts

avoiding confrontation

lacks tact in a situation

behind every line is a lesson yet to learn

but if you asked me

the feeling that i'm feeling is overwhelming

and oh it goes to show

i've so much to know

i wrote this for my prettiest friend

but while trying not to prove that i care

i was trying not to make all my moves in one motion and scare her away

well she can't see she's making me crazy now

i don't believe she knows she's amazing how

she has me holding my breath

so i'd never guess that i'm a none such unsuitable, suited for her

and if you ask me

the feeling that i'm feeling is complimentary

and oh it goes to show

the moral of the story is boy loves girl

and so on but the way that it unfolds is yet to be told

2008-06-18T02:52:00.007+08:00

so.

i stopped working more than 2 weeks ago and whilst most people would think that would lead to a higher frequency of posts, i'm ashamed to say the opposite happens for me. i've totally succumbed to just rotting around and veering far away from anything that smells fainting mind stimulating.

i love the fact that my time's my own again -though i seem to be sleeping far less as compared to when i was working- and i'm desperately trying to fill it up with activities and things that i want to accomplish before the stress of uni life kicks in.

elise says no to sloth-like behaviour.

and i solemnly swear to increase my frequency of posts yeah.

ps: i got a sexy new macbook black. finally, the ability to use my comp from bed. oh no i sense the beginnings of an addiction.

2008-05-27T00:19:00.001+08:00

gladiators.

2008-05-26T22:12:00.005+08:00

i was originally planning to post about going rollerblading with my bro and his gf yesterday (which wasn't as awkward as it might sound) and how i'm going to miss living close to the beach SO MUCH.

but i have to blog about what happened with my ftt - which stands for final theory test for all you driving virgins.

ok i admit it was my mistake to bring my cash, ic and ezlink with me to the beach and then forget to put it back into my wallet. when i realised this after work today, i rushed to call the driving centre but got some shit automated message instead. what's the use of a hotline if it's not even open at 5.30 in the evening?

i decided to just try my luck with my driving centre card but surprise surprise they didn't accept it. after arguing with the 'tester' guy, he gave me this slip stating that i didn't bring my ic for my current ftt slot and was to be given a slot for next week. i had to take it as a private candidate and pay an extra 6 bucks. since i was there, i decided to ask about getting a early practical test date and was told that they were booked out till september. when i replied that i'd probably be gone by then, he simply said "you passed your basic right? 2 years come back then take your license la."

wow that was really helpful.

so after queuing at the private candidate counter, the ass (the one that served us when we enrolled - britney you know which one i'm talking about) asked for my ic. like hello i'm here because i don't have it. with a smug smile, it informed me that the 'tester' was wrong and that i had to apply as a school candidate. "so take a number and queue again."

after another long wait, i finally got to the counter. the girl smiled apologetically and said, "you can only apply when the test time is over, so please wait and then queue again."

now that's just bloody perfect.

2008-05-23T00:04:00.003+08:00

this is -hands down- my new guilty pleasure.
right up there with chedder snyders and b&js one cheesecake brownie.

they somehow manage to be crispy (i think they're basically air puffed fries) and yet fluffy on the inside. trust the japanese to pull that off. watch out people.

2008-05-20T23:40:00.003+08:00

as midnight looms, i start to lose hope. one more time, i whisper to myself. just one more time. my index finger quivers over the clicker as i close my eyes and press down.

the light flickers.
i see the one.

but alas, my joy is short-lived. the computer slows, the orange doesn't turn blue, the one disappears before my eyes. i silently swear, selfishly wishing ill on the person that was just a split-second ahead.

not to be deterred, i closed all other systems and poised myself for another attempt. after an agonising wait, the page appears.
a smirk tugs at the corners of my lips.

all hail the beauty of that beautiful sapphire box.

2008-05-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

our diabetically sweet (in all senses of the word) present

sorry for the rainbow, i couldn't resist.

HAPPY 19TH.

2008-05-18T23:44:00.002+08:00

the things that change with a single click.

the initial shock subsided and left me confused. thinking that maybe what i've wanted so much for so long isn't the right choice. in a strange way, i'm almost glad that the easy -dare i say boring- door has been closed (read: slammed shut) and has left me with two daunting but exciting ones.

i told you once before that i wasn't wishing for that easy choice. i simply asked for a sign to help me choose. and the more i think about it, i feel that deep down i've always known the right path for me.

i finally understand why my brother couldn't bear to get on that plane.

be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all
and then some you don't want